Friday, January 30, 2015

Vaginas


Being a resident of the Land of Ladyboys - i.e. Thailand - I guess it was inevitable that sooner or later I was going to write a blog post about vaginas.

Well, maybe not inevitable, but likely.

Now for you guys who think, "Clitoris = A Roman General", there is not going to be much in this post to give you much assistance in finding the G-spot (which is not something to do with the velocity required to escape the Earth's atmosphere, by the way).

Science. This week I'm being scientific. Sort of.

My weary eyes were recently taken with the following headline:

ADVANCEMENTS IN REGENERATIVE MEDICINE HAVE MADE ARTIFICIAL VAGINAS A POSSIBILITY

We're talking prosthetics. Apparently. Here's how you make one, just in case you're stuck for something to do this weekend.

"You take cells from external genitalia and you ... create this scaffolding that you place the cells on, and then you implant it to actually create the cavity, and the body takes to it. Two of the the four women that have undergone this procedure at Wake Forest [University] were able to menstruate."

So, gentlemen, there you have it. Easy. Women are now officially redundant. Make one and keep it in your fridge - not in your freezer, obviously - for those evenings when there is nothing much on the TV. Buying dinner in expensive restaurants just to get laid is now a thing of the past. Plus, no mother-in-law, aggravation at forgetting birthdays, etc.

I gather Hollywood is going to make a film about it, entitled "Field of [Wet] Dreams II". The best line will no doubt be, "If you build it, they will come."

Isn't progress wonderful? Sort of.

Friday, January 16, 2015

Guess What?



Guess what?
"What?" I hear you reply, somewhat grumpily.
Well, I'll tell you.
"Get on with it, then," you say, "I have things to do."
The first book in my 'Time, Blood and Karma' series is free on Amazon from 16-20 January.
"And you expect me to download a copy, I suppose."
That would be nice.
You sigh in resignation. "OK, what's the damn thing called?"
It's called 'Everyone Burns' and it's about this English detective who's hiding out in Thailand ---
"Spare me the sales pitch, just give me the links so I can get on with my day."
OK, here they are:-

Amazon USA http://www.amazon.com/Everyone-Burns-Time-Blood-Karma-ebook/dp/B008I6GXM2/ref=la_B008IIERF0_1_1_title_0_main?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1421396128&sr=1-1

Amazon UK http://www.amazon.co.uk/Everyone-Burns-Time-Blood-Karma-ebook/dp/B008I6GXM2/ref=sr_1_1_twi_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1421390847&sr=1-1&keywords=everyone+burns

"Right, got it."
It's also available on all other Amazon sites worldwide.
You curl your lip. "Fascinating. Are we finished here now?"
Well, you know that twenty quid I loaned you ---?
"Don't push your luck."
Right then, we're finished.