JD My guest in the Dubai Dungeon today is George Angus, writer and general troublemaker. Welcome, George.
GA (Muffled noise)
JD What? Oh, apologies. Digby remove the gag from Mr Angus please.
GA Where the hell am I? Sheesh, get this thing away from me.
JD That’s not terribly polite, Mr Angus. Digby, back to your corner.
GA Why am I strapped to a chair?
JD OK, let’s just explain the rules quickly because I get fed up having to repeat myself. You have been spirited away to Dubai where you get strapped into an electric chair for my amusement. I ask you questions and if your answers are boring or unacceptable I do this ...
(Sounds of electricity arcing)
GA Ah, crap! That really hurts!
JD I only do this with writers by the way, and I understand you loosely fit within that definition, so let’s get started shall we? Tell us a bit about yourself, George.
GA Now? Like this?
JD Starting to get bored ...
GA OK, OK. Just leave my fingers alone. They are my tools and I'm allergic to bamboo. Agreed? Good. Well, I was never one who grew up with visions of being a writer. In school, I never understood the need to learn the nuances of English. I figured if I could read, speak and write then what the hell were subjects and predicates to me? The only class I ever failed in my school career was Basic Paragraphs.
I fell into the writing gig. I wrote a piece on a medical device for my employer's newsletter. The response was unbelievable. Requests for reprints, offers to write for other companies, you name it. Before I knew it I was being published in the trade magazines and I was contributing to textbooks and winning literary competitions – well, honourable mentions anyway.
Many moons later I decided to call myself a freelance writer and I started a blog. Tumblemoose.com was born and has been an active blog about all things writing for over four years now. Which I daresay is quite a bit longer than you've been doing this torture thing, judging by the conditions of your dungeon.
JD You hungry?
JD I’m neglecting my duties as a host. Digby bring Mr Angus some food and feed him. He’s a little tied up right now.
GA (Looking) I’m not eating that.
GA Whatever it is, it’s got tentacles in it.
JD Digby, what is that stuff?
DIGBY Uhmnf giu friiina.
GA What did he say?
JD I have no idea. Let’s skip the gastronomy.
DIGBY Sshhy cllu bvoola ...
JD Shut up, Digby. Shuffle off now, there’s a good ... thing.
(Digby wanders off dispiritedly)
JD Now George, I want to talk about your book ‘The Short Book of Short Shorts’. That’s the one where you appear on the cover wearing a dress.
GA That’s not a dress, it’s a kilt.
JD Keep telling yourself that, my friend. Now this book is a collection of flash fiction pieces, right? I guess the flashing bit is quite easy to do in a dress?
But back to ‘The Short Book of Short Shorts’. Yep, it's a collection of a dozen or so flash fiction stories. Defined as stories under a thousand words, flash fiction is a challenge to write but can be extremely satisfying for both the writer and the reader. The stories in this book are varied in their nature but lean towards the horror genre. With that said, there's historical fiction and other treats as well. It's a book that can be digested in a single sitting, unlike that tripe Digby just brought over.
JD Enough on that already. I’m guessing you’re proud of your Scottish heritage.
JD Yeah, yeah. All that ‘Braveheart’ stuff. You’d probably be quite happy covered in woad, I expect.
GA I would.
(JD nods to Digby who tips a bucketload of blue goo over George)
JD Next up is your book ‘Talkeetna Trouble’. (Sighs deeply) This is a right con, this one, isn’t it?
GA I don’t know what you mean. It’s a piece of experimental writing. I decided to put out a raw and uncut draft of this short novel to see what readers made of it. So far as I know, that’s a literary first.
JD That’s a rubbish explanation. You’ve got Scottish ancestry and it’s a well-known fact that all Scotsmen are misers. You’re just trying to save money on an editor by making us readers do the damn work.
As much as anything, I felt sorry for the manuscript. Sitting there, so lonely. So left out. I decided, “Screw it. Let's try a little experiment and see what folks think about a writer's work in its most raw form.”
JD Yeah, right.
GA You don’t sound convinced.
JD Listen, George, just because it’s a damn good book doesn’t mean that you’re not a tight-fisted so-and-so.
GA Was that a compliment?
JD It’s as close as you’re going to get to one. Now then, any last words before I press the button?
GA Last words? What do you mean?
JD I promised the Guild of Indie Editors that you wouldn’t leave the dungeon alive. If other writers follow what you’ve done with ‘Talkeetna Trouble’, those editors will all be out of business.
GA Well, you know what they say – Those who can write, do. Those who can't, edit. I would ask you to spare me any more of this torture except I'm afraid I'm growing rather fond of it. It will be good fodder for my newest project, ‘50 Shades of Kilted’.
JD Goodbye George.
(Extended sounds of electricity arcing)
JD Digby, remove the body.
GA I’m still alive.
JD (Sighs) They just don’t make electric chairs like they used to.
You can find out more about George Angus and his books by clicking on the links below:
Amazon Author Page